My First Day of School...sort of...ish.

Today was the first day of what I'm technically counting as school. Let me put that in English. Today was the first day of Graduate Orientation at SIUC. It's official. I'm a saluki. And the day totally matched the feeling I get when I attempt to say aloud, "I'm a saluki."

Here's how my day went down.

First of all, I woke up from dreaming that Janie (my kitten) had gone out to a party, drank too much, and called me on her cell phone to come get her. So, I went outside, and there she was in the field across the street from my house, laying in the grass with a squirrel and crying. I picked her up, took her home, put her to bed, and sat on the floor crying over the fact that she had somehow gotten out of the house without my knowledge. Needless to say, I woke up actually crying and immediately went to find my kitten. Instead, what I found was another slug in my bathtub and little pile of kitten vomit on the bathroom floor. It is my considered opinion that Janie figured licking the slime off a slug was just as good as drinking water from the bathtub tap. At least she wasn't partying with squirrels.

After this, I discovered that I only had 3 cigarettes left to my name. So I smoked all three while drinking my coffee and decided not to buy any more. Then I got dressed. I looked fabulous in a black lace a-line skirt, a black shell top with lace trim, hot pink open-toe heels, and earrings with black lace detail. No tweed yet, but then, it's too bloody hot to even think the word tweed.

In any case, I was all spiffied up and ready to go by 11:00 am. The orientation didn't start until 1:00 pm. It takes half an hour to get there. Sigh.

So I bought cigarettes.

And chain smoked.

For an hour.

Then I dutifully left my cigarettes on the kitchen table and walked to campus, where I discovered that there were actually two orientations going on at the same time: one for Teaching Assistants, and one for Research Assistants. I'm both. And I'd left my time turner in my other bag. So I went to the Teaching session, since I had already gotten in that room, sat down, and begun reading the packet they gave us before I realized that there was a slim possibility that I needed to be in the other room in the next 14 seconds if I wanted to be there in time for the lecture to begin. At this point, I figured I was technically a TA, so they couldn't fault me for being there. (They probably can. They probably already have. This is probably why they haven't processed my tuition waver yet. This is also probably why I hate university red tape.)

That was at 1:00. By 4:30, I had chewed 6 pieces of gum, drank 3 bottles of water, nearly exploded several times, and felt the overwhelming urge to beat everyone over the head with the guy who was lecturing, since he kept referring to TAs as "Graders." Finally, the guy stopped talking, we were let out into the world, and I practically sprint-walked across campus, where I stopped briefly to change my shoes before continuing the 3 blocks to my house.

After 3 cigarettes back to back, I almost passed out. And then I looked for dinner. The food in my house officially consisted of half a head of cabbage, a bottle of Italian dressing, a bottle of maple syrup, and a packet of kool-aid.

So I scraped all my cash together and went to the store, where I bought everything that $16.43 could buy, including more cabbage, milk, spanish rice mix, peanut butter, jelly, bread, and tonight's special meal: chocolate pudding and graham crackers.

It's now 7:00, and I am feeling fat and sassy.

And I have to do it all over again tomorrow at 9:00 am.

Ugh.